Jesus: The Greatest Con Man to Ever Live
The Great Jesus Conspiracy
(AKA, Christians are either wicked, or fools, sometimes both)
Copyright Anthony Horvath 2004
How the document transcribed below came to me I cannot divulge. My hope is that I can get it into the mainstream before my fate becomes like those of the original author, and those that followed. You will soon see what I mean. In order to maintain my integrity I need to point out that though I received the document as a whole, it seems that the document really recorded fragments. I took the liberty of filling in the gaps in order to make the document as coherent as possible. The part that I had to include is put in brackets [ ] so that all will be able to tell which parts of this terrible story which were part of the original document and which parts- though authentic- were my own inclusion.If anyone disputes the translation of this document, the original Greek is available upon request. I make this document out to be written 35-45 AD. Only one conclusion is clear from this stunning account: The greatest fraud in all of history has been hoisted upon us and many people have bought it wholesale. And dangerous people know it is a fraud, but perpetuate it for their own reasons. Read, and see. Signed, Anthony Horvath.
[ One’s guilt can only be assuaged for so long before at last a man must speak. For some people, time provides the layers of earth by which to bury that guilt and if enough of it has been heaped on, nothing springs forth. Alas, for me the guilt was laid bare in one fateful moment as I watched that wretched and innocent man die on account of his faith. Given recent events, you already know I mean Stephen. But I can no longer contain the truth I know. Being in my place in life, one sees many things. I have been in Jerusalem well long enough to have seen many things of great consequence. I no longer wish to participate, especially if this scourge is allowed to continue.
In my work as a Roman officer I was stationed often in Jerusalem, that vilest of cities. I knew the so-called Jesus of Nazareth personally, for I was part of his plot. He came to me knowing that I had influence. He astounded me with the plan envisioned in his mind. On his lips, a cruel smile. “How fun,” he said, “It would be to pretend that I am the messiah! I will pay you good money if you will protect me as I make sport of my fellow countrymen.” I replied, “You are a poor man, Jesus. You will need money to buy my life besides, for I would surely be put to death if I dishonored my position as a Roman officer.”
This Jesus smiled and told me that the surest way to make money is to start a religion, and he had a fair plan to do just that. For three years I protected him and as he said, he was well paid. Contriving the miracles to persuade the Jews was something he took great pleasure in. I myself found it merry. Looking back I regret it. The feeding of the five thousand? Accomplished with baskets with false bottoms! Walking on the water in the midst of a storm? I myself watched him lay the planks of wood just inches below the water extending out three stadia! The healing of the blind man? Merely a man he had paid off in advance. This goes to show you the wickedness of this man. When both were young men, Jesus approached the man and involved him in his plot, convincing him to spend his next 15 years pretending to be blind so that he could persuade the gullible Jews that he had actually been healed. Jesus paid this boy handsomely for his 15 years of wallowing outside the temple.
There are many examples like this. But the worst was the plot that his disciples and he himself hatched in order to spring something new upon the Jews. He would make light of them by convincing them he was the messiah, but then be killed, and have others pretend he was risen. The disciples, of course, were co-conspirators. I was present in Jesus last days as he carefully manipulated the Jews to come to a point where they would be compelled to kill him. It cost him a great deal of money to fake miracles throughout town. Truly, he was a master at such illusions, and no less in convincing people to pretend to have ailments for decades in order to make the most compelling illusion.
I pause again. The woman bleeding for years? She merely carried a sponge from the Mediterranean that she soaked with red colored water and dripped down her leg as she walked. I was there when he ‘healed’ her. Their eyes fluttered together with mischief at the great prank (editors note: likely, they were winking back and forth). But the paralytic showed real dedication to his mission. Pretending to be completely helpless all those years for the sake of promised fortune and for exploitation of Jewish susceptibility. I was not there when he was lowered through the roof to be ‘healed’ but I am sure he was hooting with suppressed laughter all the while.
But the greatest mischief was his last days. Knowing the great cost involved in pulling off this illusion, Jesus went over the final details of his great deception with me, swearing me to great secrecy and giving me great deals of treasure in advance. He had upon his body a checklist (editor: original word here was ‘spreadsheet.’ That can’t be right?). Knowing that he had found several Old Testament Scriptures that he had ‘fulfilled’ even before he was born, having been born in Bethlehem, re-locating to Alexandria in Egypt on account of his father’s import and export business of fine balsa wood, and then returning to live in Nazareth- all before he had any way to influence the course of such events, he set about to plan also the details of his death in accordance with some Scriptures. He chose among them for his checklist something from the Psalms.
He said to me, “Now, everything revolves around the proper timing of things. In order for people to be convinced, I shall alert them to the ‘prophecy’ I am going to be fulfilling by reciting the first line of the Psalm. That line is, ‘My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?’ You must do as I say and have others do as I say or no one will believe the deception.” The Psalm was Psalm 22. He showed unto me verses 7-8, and said, “In this passage David is being mocked. I will be David. I will pay a man fine treasure to be crucified with me and instruct him to say something very similar.”
I objected immediately: “Jesus, you plan on being crucified? How will you arrange such a thing? Do you even have Pilate in your sway?” Jesus flashed again his wicked smile and uttered something incomprehensible sounding very much like, “Pilate is one of my poker buddies.” I did not understand any of this, but I did as I was told on account of the great wealth Jesus was giving to me.
He continued to saith unto me, “I will pay a man to be crucified next to me in order that this prophecy will be fulfilled. Only the daft will not see the similarity. But you must be sure to stretch me out well so that my bones are nearly out of joint. You must be prepared to offer me gall so that I can pretend to be thirsty. Please, my dear friend, put something especially strong in the gall, for I shall be in great pain. After this, you must take charge and offer my clothing to your guards. Give them lots to cast. If you need more money to pay them to do this at the proper time, see Judas, and he will accommodate you.”
The way in which he brought upon this gruesome death was again mastery. In order that he may have both his hands and his feet pierced, he instigated the Jews to want him dead by pretending to do miracles, toying with them in regards to his position on his messianic nature, and then ransacking the temple with such vigor that a detachment of Roman guards was dispatched to regain order. I saw Jesus leave with a smile on his face, and he handed me a bag of gold he had confiscated. The Jews were outraged. At this point, Jesus met with his disciples to make the final revisions and sent word through Judas to the Jewish leaders that Jesus meant to be at a certain location. At this time, Jesus also alerted Pilate to the fact that his plan was going to begin.
Pilate played the Jews as well as Jesus had, sending Jesus first to Herod and then delaying the verdict as long as he could. This was important in order that the disciples could prepare the tomb with provisions so that they may stay in the tomb in hiding so that they may later flee with the body of Jesus through a secret trap door. As part of the deal, Pilate had Jesus beaten and flogged. When Pilate finally received word that the preparations were done, I personally witnessed the smirk they shared between the two of them. True to the prophecy (or so I was told), Jesus said nothing in his defense and went like a lamb to the slaughter.
For my own part I was amazed that Jesus had been successful this far. I gave my cue to the mob to encircle and mock him according to the checklist. When at last it came time for him to die, I personally gave the final spear to end all things. My part was not yet over. Knowing Jesus’ claims of rising from the dead, the Pharisees and such went to Pilate to demand a guard be placed at the tomb to prevent the disciples from making off with the body. Jesus had anticipated this by having the disciples in the tomb in advance, paying off Pilate with hordes of gold to goad the Jews, and paying off me and my twenty soldiers to stand by the tomb and ‘protect it.’
The only problem was that the Jews sent their own guards on account of mistrust of the Romans. Jesus anticipated this as well by leaving extra sums of money and of course a specially engineered tomb. The Jewish guards would be paid to say that they’d all fallen asleep and the disciples managed to move that heavy stone without waking a soul. Jesus knew that the Jewish leaders, upon learning of the disappearance of the body, would inspect the tomb, but once convinced the body was gone, would pay both Roman and Jewish soldier alike to say what in fact was the truth- that the disciples had stolen the body- in order that they may not be disgraced. So both Roman and Jewish soldiers would be paid twice for their part in the deception. It would come to pass in this way.
The body of Jesus was not long in the grave before the disciples made off with him. Even I did not suspect the next part of his plan. I learned later that there was a Psalm about the “Holy One” not seeing decay, so he had to now show mastery over death. In his notes left for us for use after the crucifixion, there was nothing for the Roman soldiers on this point. I was told about it later by that wicked Peter over a drink at the pub. The body of Jesus was taken to receive cosmetic treatments so he would look fit. The disciples walked the streets with a skeleton of wood supporting Jesus body covered by his clothes. The disciples would move Jesus’ head by use of their hands and since their arms and legs were tied as one, it seemed as though Jesus were really walking.
And three thousand believed in a single day.
I had thought nothing more of the matter, on account of the great profit I had, until it became evident that people were really believing the deception. Who could have known? I was not the only one who felt as such. Judas himself thought to go public but Peter, hadst him whacked. The disciples, however showed no remorse. They perpetuated their deception throughout their world converting many. Some of them have already gone to their deaths rather than betray the joke. I had no guilt until others saw this self-sacrifice and also began dying. Like Stephen. In fact, I should say….]
Editor: The document breaks off suddenly and new handwriting begins underneath it. Again, I have included the helpful brackets.
[I, Caissious Clay, pick up the pen of this noble man. Given the task of killing this noble man before he could spread the word of truth throughout the countryside, have now read the full account, and knowing now the full depths of the deception that Jesus and his kin have spread upon all of Israel, feel great remorse. I only wish now I could withdraw my dagger…]
Editor: The document again breaks off suddenly and continues with new handwriting.
[Anticipating that Caissious Clay would grow weak and make some failure, I myself was sent to see the job was done.]
Editor: There appears to have been a pause. The handwriting remains the same, but a different ink is used.
[I too now regret having laid my hand upon that noble Clay who had killed the righteous Centurion I have read the full account and can only surmise that the truth must be told. I here certify that the deceptions was really a deception- innocent and gullible sheep beware….]
Editor: Again, a break and new handwriting.
[Having come upon a heap of bodies I sought to add to them by killing the former author while he was at his pen. Only after I read the full account do I know that their cause was just….]
Editor: The final break is here, with new handwriting.
[Jesus was right when he told me never to send a boy to do a man’s job. In my gratitude for being released by Pilate instead of Jesus, I was tasked as part of the deal to keep an eye on those who might betray the deception. It seems I have come just in time. If the morons believe such a ridiculous story, I say they deserve it. I must now conceal three bodies.]
Editor: Given the fate of others who attempted to reveal the grand deception, you can tell that I am risking everything even releasing what I have. I could not even begin to consider revealing how this document has come to me. It is the only document as far as I know of that contradicts explicitly the claims contained in the New Testament. I will say this much: It is only an act of God that has brought it down to us today, so that in fact now we may all know the truth.